Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Challenging Questions Regarding Adult Loving, Romantic Relationships

For over four decades, personally as well as professionally, I have addressed some of the more challenging questions regarding adult loving/romantic relationships. For example, as I currently am outlining and writing two new, companion self-help books, My Adult Loving Relationships and Our Adult Loving Relationship, I am attempting to address issues and questions with which people struggle the most. Likewise, some of the Posts on this blog have addressed such questions:

Why do we get into and stay in adult living relationships?

What do we hear when our loved one speaks to us?

How can I compromise without giving up me?

How important is our time together?

What’s more demanding – giving or sharing?

How can I be supportive and not smothering?

Is it okay to say “No” to my significant other?

How important are traditions in our relationship?

How does deception and lying affect our relationship?

Do I have the skills to be loving?

What happens when we get mad at each other?

How important is it for me to feel loved by my significant other?

Do we want each other or need each other?

How important is it that we share certain things together?

Question: What has been your most challenging adult loving/romantic relationship question?



Nienke Hinton said...

You covered it in your list - although I won't admit which one!

Nienke Hinton said...

But, I will be busy reading your past posts today!

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Nienke,

Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy reading those past Posts as much as I enjoyed writing them, and when you have finished please let me know if any other riveting questions emerge.

Happy reading,


Anonymous said...

A lot of times my husband and I have a tough time telling our families or old college friends "No". We don't live near any of our parents so they are always calling or trying to get us to visit them. Many of our friends are still single and continue trying to get us to act as if we are still single, too. They don't understand that, even though we still love and care for them, our first priority is each other. So, I guess my question would be: How do you keep your spouse top priority without alienating or hurting others you care for?

This is my first time on your site. I like the topics and look forward to reading them.

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hello BamaLambda,

Thanks for stopping by and not only offering complimentary a comment but also a challenging question/dilemma.

In view of the old cliché, “You can’t have it both ways,” you and your husband obviously will have to make decisions – based on your values and priorities (which are good – your first commitments are to your selves, each other and your relationship). If your family and friends don’t understand and respect that they may indeed feel hurt, and there may not be anything you can do about it (unless you change or dishonor your values and priorities). I doubt that you are alone regarding this – it’s typically one of the challenging downsides of a loving relationship.

Hang in there, maybe they’ll come around; and if they don’t try to remember – it’s easier to get good friends than it is to get a good spouse.


Anonymous said...

The most challenging question I face everyday in my marriage is how do we deal with the everyday problems without drama? Sometimes as a couple we feel so overwhelmed with the big issues that it spills over into the everyday mundane issues like who cooks tonight or who forgot to put the milk back in the fridge. We grow weary of the drama, but the big issues like money or such seem to just take over everything. Maybe its more about communication, but sometimes it feels as if nothing we do works! Whew, was that a good vent or what? Thanks Dr. Bill. Great topic.

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Ande,

Thanks for the visit and the surfacing of a very intriguing aspect of significant other relationships.

Give the intensity of the repetitive drama you and your husband seem to be engaged in, it sounds like you need to seriously attend to it (possibly with the assistance of a professional). The problem with the kind of drama you are describing is that the volume is so loud it drowns out the other issues that don’t get proper attention, they then escalate, and before you know it there’s so much on your plate you don’t know where to start. And as time goes on, the drama attention getting also can turn into a “dance” that seems to never end.

Hope to see you back for other visits.

With all best wishes as you attend to this,


insideout said...

Dr Bill, I have left several comments relating to my marriage. I have to say again that I am a very lucky man when it comes to having a strong and loving relationship with Mrs Inside Out! The only place where we have a significant issue is Traditions. We cross on several paths. Mainly religious, she is Morman and I come from a Baptist background. Where the conflict came to head is what church our children would be raised in. Also in our daily lives as far as planned family nights, restrictions on TV watching, materials that we feel are ok or not. We have over the years settled these disputes, but it took awhile and actually put a little strain on our marriage at the time...I/O

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi I/O,

As you know I have said before, “traditions” are important in adult loving relationships – they keep us focused and warm during cold and chaotic times. Developing them so that they don’t conflict with each other’s individual pre-existing traditions, however, indeed can be challenging (as you have pointed out). When two people respect each other highly value the relationship, however, compromise is possible (as you experienced).

You and Mrs. I/O are fortunate – you both wound up with a good person!


Stacy Dawn said...

Popping in to say hi!

What facinating topics. I wish you well with your books.

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Stacy,
I'm delighted to see you... thanks for the visit, compliments and well-wishes.
I hope you'll come back on occasion,