Saturday, February 24, 2007

What Do We Hear When Our Loved-One Speaks to Us?

Accurate communications are crucial in romantic relationships. In one of the self-help books I currently am writing, Our Adult Loving Relationship, there are numerous areas in which I focus on this issue and discuss how poor interpersonal communications can cause numerous problems and difficulties. Moreover, when people don’t listen accurately to their loved-one, difficult and sometimes devastating emotions can follow. Interestingly, many such issues are discussed in an excellent self-help book entitled, Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love.

In my recently released contemporary romance novel, Fear of Feeling Loved, Jack, a professor of criminology, confronts Marcia, somewhat in jest, when he teases her about being a psychologist. “But I have to ask you, Dr. Freud, are you hearing what I actually am saying or are you hearing your interpretation of what I am saying?”

When your loved-one speaks to you, do you hear…

…what they actually are saying?

…what you think they are saying?

…what they are implying?

…what you think they are implying?

…what they are not saying?

…what you wish they were saying?

Needless to say, there are many other possibilities and combinations.

Question: When your loved one speaks to you (or spoke to you in the past), what do or did you hear?



Ann Christopher said...

Hi, Dr. Bill--

Thanks for stopping by my site!

Nice blog! All the best with it, and with your writing--


Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hello Ann,
Thanks for stopping by, your gracious comment and well wishes.
Please know that you have an open invitation to return at any time,

Anonymous said...

Dr. Bill,
I came across your comments on my fav author blog, Shirley Jump and decided to check you out. Your topic today has me thinking how many times I automatically play out a conversation and its ending by the second word my husband says. Its a very hard habit to break. I'm putting you on my fav list. I believe that God must have put you in my path today, for many reasons. Have a great evening!


Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Andie,
I'm delighted that you found my site and stopped by. (Thanks also for your gracious comment.)
No question -- it is a hard habit to break (like most habits... especially the bad ones).
If it would be comfortable for you, ask your husband to help you with it... sometimes just thinking that the other person is paying attention to whether or not we're actually listening can make us a better listener.
I hope to see you in the future!
With best wishes and regards,

DH said...

I am a pretty good listener. I usually hear what I think someone is saying. I over analyze everything. I listen right up until they are done talking, sort of like data entry. And I usually process at the same time and have questions popping up in my mind as they speak. Beyond that I try to determine the signifigance of the topic to the person...casual, heavy duty painful stuff, etc.
Doesn't mean I'm always right, but I try pretty hard to listen and understand the other person.

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hello DH,
It indeed sounds like you are a good listener… one others enjoy talking to. A critical component of your approach is “I try to determine the significance of the topic to the person.” You may recall my thoughts on the importance of “perception” (it isn’t everything… it’s the only thing), and perception is a cornerstone of a very significant aspect of a loving relationship: empathy (I not only see what you’re talking about, I can see it through your eyes).

Kelly (Lynn) Parra said...

Sometimes I feel I hear an alternative meaning behind the words, but when called on it, I usually get denial. haha!

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Kelly,
Yeah... I hear ya! Then of course comes the next question: is the "denial" because I was wrong or because I was right? Either way, however, at least it let's the other person know we're listening!