The Role(s) of Control in Life and Loving Relationships

It is amazing how frequently I see that people tend to think of “control” as being a less than good (or even bad). Yet let’s remember two things: (1) control is the ability to purposefully direct, suppress and/or change; and (2) if we didn’t exercise some controls in our lives, our lives would be in total chaos. When talking with my “pro bono clients” about control issues in their lives, I frequently challenge them with two questions: (1) are you controlling things in your life in ways that make your life and the way you live it better? and, (2) are there any other controls that you could exercise that would improve your life and the way you live it?

In my 33 years of work as a licensed psychologist, specializing in working with couples, one of the primary problem areas people in troubled loving relationships had to attend to was their “control issues” – within themselves and their loving relationships. “Control problems in relationships” typically are related to the couple’s boundaries and associated controls. For example, in my co-authored book with Dr. William A. Lambos, Our Loving Relationship, we discuss these two latter phenomena directly:

Boundaries are the limits of how far you can go and remain comfortable with yourself. Boundaries define the “space” in which a given individual is not invited or welcomed at a given time.

Controls are those things you do to assure that you stay within your boundaries and assure that other people do not violate your comfort zone.

In two of my three novels, “control” is directly and portrayed. For example, In My Sweetpea: Seven Years and Seven Days, as Sheila and Troy’s marriage starts to fall apart, his “active control” and her “passive control” quickly turns their relationship dance from a foxtrot to a Macarena. And in If Ever Again… It’ll be for Love, after Diane divorces her over-controlling husband, recovers and then starts to fall in love with Michael, she subconsciously perceives many of his loving gestures as controlling. (As I discuss in Chapter 4 of my pop-psych book, Living Life, Anyway – 2^nd Edition, “…we can control things actively by ‘what we do’ and we also can control things passively by “what we don’t do’.”)

Interestingly, when my “clients” who are in recovery tell me that they are staying sober because they “gave up control” (e.g., “Let go, let god.”), I ask them: “When you choose to give up control, isn’t that a form of control?”

Aspects and phenomena regarding “control in life” and “control in loving relationships” easily could entail a book’s worth of address and discussion. To wit, this herein discussion doesn’t even scratch the surface. Nonetheless, I hope my musings have challenged you to think about the issue(s) of control and how it interfaces with your life and the way you live it... as well as your adult loving relationships.

Question: How was or has been “control” been good (or bad) aspects of your life and your loving relationships?

Bill

New Pop-Psych Book – Living Life Anyway – 2nd Edition

As you very well may have seen in my November 11, 2010 Post, after retiring from the University of South Florida last May I took a much-needed hiatus from writing. Yes, I do have my next novel about 80% outlined and have been reading voraciously since, but I also have been busy doing other things with my wordsmith passion. For example, I recently have been working hard on getting my three “tree book” novels up and available as e-books (which will be the topic of my next Post). Moreover, I completed and published the second edition of my 2002 pop-psych book: Living Life, Anyway – 2^nd Edition.
Numerous friends and fans have been asking me about this latest book and thus I thought I’d take a moment to tell you about it.

The double entendre in the title of this book captures it all. Living Life is what it’s all about– not existing through life or struggling through life, but living life. Moreover, you can live your life anyway –anyway meaning “any way you want to live your life” and anyway meaning “in spite of the unwanted and undeserved dirty deals your life may have handed you.” For many people, life’s most important journey is an inward journey… a life of inward travel. Seriously and humorously, the book’s 22 chapters address living life: Consciously, Presently, Hopefully, Autonomously, Interdependently, Congruently, Trustingly, Honestly, Fearlessly, Temporally, Passionately, Responsibly, Structurally, Compartmentally, Purposefully, Serenely, Spiritually, Morally, Genuinely, Lovingly, Peacefully and Happily. This book, an enjoyable and fun read, and offers many opportunities to seriously look within and appreciate that in spite of outside turmoil and difficulties, a person still can live a meaningful and happy life, anyway.
If you have any questions or comments regarding this 2^nd Edition of Living Life, Anyway, please let me know. If not, enjoy reading it (if you already haven’t).

Til next time when I’ll tell you about my three soon-to-be-published e-books,

Bill

Two New Self-Help Books on Loving Relationships

As I have been telling you, for the past year a good friend and colleague, Dr. Bill Lambos, and I have been writing two new self-help books. They are a companion set and indeed address the critical issues that challenge people in loving relationships.

The overall theme and topics of the first book are on its back cover:


The second one of this "Companion Set" is Our Loving Relationship. On the book's back cover, the essence and contents of the book are discussed:





With the assistance of our publisher, Nova Science Publishers, I am able to offer to my blog fans a time-limited 40% Discount. If you go to the publisher's website at Nova Science Publishers and then to the pages for the two books:

My Loving Relationships and Our Loving Relationship, then after adding them to your cart enter the Promotion Code: Leaf40 and you will get a 40% Off Discount.

Please know, however, that Bill and I would appreciate your sharing with us your candid thoughts and opinions after you have read the books.

Thanks so much... and HAPPY READING,

Bill

The Changing Face of the United States

As I have mentioned on numerous occasions, for the past five months I have been heavily involved with my co-editors and co-authors in the writing and editing of five books – two self-help books and three textbooks. I am delighted to tell you that all publishers’ deadlines have been met thus far and four of the five books should be out and available within the next four to six weeks. As soon as they are, I will be sure to let you know.

Unfortunately, my non-teaching time has been understandably devoted to these five books and thus I have been somewhat remiss and behind on posting Posts on my blog. Nonetheless, as soon as these four of my five books are out the door and off my plate, I again will return to posting Posts on a regular weekly basis. This past week, however, I had a powerful, personal experience that I had not predicted and quickly want to share it with you.

On numerous occasions this past Tuesday night as I was watching the election results (way into the night), I had tears in my eyes. The results and especially the speeches by Senator Obama and Senator McCain ushered back many memories – I vividly recall when an African-American woman, Rosa Parks, wasn’t allowed on a city bus, the landmark Brown versus the Board of Education case, Dr. Martin Luther King’s 1963 Lincoln Memorial speech, and among other galvanizing recollections seeing helmeted Chicago police officers on horseback hitting demonstrating citizens at the 1968 Democratic Convention with their nightsticks. Then it struck me – cognitively as well as emotionally: the face of United States is no longer that of an economically comfortable Caucasian male with graying hair… the face of the United States is a collage of young and old, male and female, white-, African-, Hispanic- and Asian-Americans (among others) struggling to make ends meet.

Personally, I embrace and welcome and am genuinely excited by this change; moreover, I am enjoying a strong sense of optimism regarding our future. And while the light at the end of the tunnel may be a while in coming, I also believe that as a society we will slowly move from our somewhat still existent, self-centered “me-ism” and collectively demonstrate a genuine sense of “we-ism” – all of which will further reveal the melting-pot essence of our country.

Question: What do you think and how do you feel about the changing face of the United States?

Bill

Self-Inflation Is Not Necessarily a Good Thing

As we progress through life, it is important for us to have a healthy sense of self-concept, self-esteem and self-worth. (In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall self-appraisal of his or her own worth.) I use the term “healthy” for a specific reason. On occasion, for example, I see the children of the “soccer mom generation” of the 1990s who grew up seeing bumper stickers on their families’ cars saying things like, “Terrific Kid Aboard” and “My Child is Above Average.” Not only as a practicing psychologist for over three decades but also as a father of three adult children and grandfather of three grandchildren, aka “Pop Pop,” I am well aware of the importance of a high self-concept, high self-esteem and high self-worth. Nonetheless, it is equally important that such self-considerations also be grounded in reality.

A good friend, colleague and co-author, Dr. William A. Lambos, and I recently sent two completed book manuscripts to our publisher, Nova Science Publishers. While these two self-help books can stand alone, they also comprise a companion set with foci on adult loving relationships: My Loving Relationships and Our Loving Relationship. We expect that they will be published this fall; I will let you know when they are released. Nonetheless, in Chapter 1 of the first book, My Loving Relationships, we include a section addressing these phenomena (as well as the concept of self-inflation – “seeing ourselves as being better than and/ or more important that we really may be”). I herewith shall share it with you:

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Self-Inflation

Our self-concept, self-esteem, and overall sense of self-worth are very important aspects of our lives. It is also important, nonetheless, that we temper our self-concept and sense of self-worth with some reality. When Bill Emener was talking with Julia and she was sharing some aspects of her relationship with Frank, her fiancé, she frequently was using the expressions, “When I did this, he did that. And I know he did that because I did this. And if I could only do this, then he would do that.” After hearing a number of these types of scenarios, Bill chose to use some paradoxical intention and humor in his response to her. He said, “I have the feeling that everything Frank does, in fact everything that everyone around you does, is a function of you. That makes sense. What the hell – you’re the center of the universe!” Being a very intelligent and quick-witted young woman, she instantaneously looked at him and said, “Of course, Dr. Emener, that’s the effect of your modeling!” They both enjoyed a hearty laugh.

In our attempt to understand ourselves better, our significant others and our relationships, it is important that we be careful of those times when we fall into the trap of believing that everything other people around us do is a function of us. On the contrary, it is typically the case that people around us do things totally independent of us. Our brief digression into emotion reminds us that people are motivated primarily to meet their own needs. Knowing that difference – that others do not base their realities on us – is probably the most important difference of them all. As Julia was leaving his office, she asked Bill if there was anything else he would suggest she do. Bill looked at Julia, smiled and tongue-in-cheek quipped, “Sign up for a course in astronomy.” “What?” Julia asked with a furrowed brow. After a pause, however, she smiled and through a laugh replied, “The sun really is the center isn’t it?”

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Personally, I thank my parents for helping me understand the potential harmfulness of “self-inflation.” For example, in my book, Mom and Dad’s Pearls of Wisdom: You Gotta Love ’Em, I have a chapter on “Worth” and tell the story of what my Dad once said to me (about my then self-inflation). Below I shall share that with you:

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Worth

During the summers that I was playing fast-pitch softball in the beer leagues, I was usually the starting pitcher. One Thursday I learned that my good friend Peter would start as pitcher in that night’s game. Even though I would start at third base, the news infuriated me. Pitching was my passion.

The next morning when I was talking with my dad about the game, still burned up, I said, “Okay, so we won the game. But I’m a better pitcher than Pete, and he’s better at third. It just doesn’t make any sense to me!”

“Maybe Coach wanted to save your arm for the tournament this weekend.”

I begrudgingly considered it. “But on the mound, I’m worth a hell of a lot more than Pete. The last time we played that team I pitched a two-hitter!”

Dad began to laugh.

“Okay, what’s so funny, Pop?”

With a mountain of love in his heart, he said, “Son,

If I could buy you for what you’re really worth

and sell you for what you think you’re worth,

I could retire.

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Question: Have you ever experienced “self inflation” (either on your own behalf or on behalf of another person)?

Bill

When in an Adult Loving Relationship, Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself

It is reasonable to assume that when we are in an adult loving relationship we attend to (and take care of) our significant other. At the same time, however, it is important to assure that we don’t carry our caring to an extreme – that’s typically called “codependency.”

Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A “codependent” is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A “codependent” is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The “dependent” or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The “codependent” party exhibits behavior which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party’s condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.

I frequently have recommended an excellent self-help book published in 2002 by Jordan Paul and Margaret Paul: Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You? (Second Edition, Paperback). And in case you are struggling with the answer, I typically have two answers to the question: (1) “No,” and (2) “Run!”

As many of you know, a good friend and colleague (Dr. William A. Lambos) and I currently are writing the 2d Edition to my 1997 self-help book, Adult Loving Relationships. We have almost totally completed the first draft of the 2^nd Edition, and in Chapter One – Self Analysis we have a subheading, “The Importance of Me.” In that section of the chapter we address the importance of paying attention to yourself while in an adult loving relationship. Below is a pertinent part of that section:

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It is our contention that there are three things that we pay attention to when we are involved in an adult loving relationship: (1) ourselves; (2) the other person; and (3) the relationship we create and maintain. We will be discussing these in greater detail later in the book. If you will notice, however, we begin with the importance of paying attention to ourselves. This is critical. We are not suggesting, however, that we should be narcissistically involved in ourselves to the extent that we are unaware of the other person or our relationship with him or her.

When we talk with our clients, we frequently ask them if they have ever been in an airplane. We remind them that what typically occurs is that while the plane is taxiing out to the runway the flight attendant stands up front and gives specific instructions regarding what to do in case of an emergency. The flight attendant says, “Should an unexpected reduction in oxygen occur in the cabin, oxygen masks will come down from the ceiling.” The attendant also tells us that if we are traveling with a small child, we are to put our own mask on first. There are many reasons for this – primarily, we must make sure that we are able to take care of the child. In the adult loving relationships in which we have been involved, we have frequently wondered: If the other person is not able to take care of himself or herself, how could he or she possibly take care of me?

In an adult loving relationship, the most important thing that you offer to the other person is yourself. We assume that if you love the other person you would want to give him or her things that are good, things that are the best that they could be. Therefore, if the most important thing you offer the other person is yourself, it intuitively would make sense that you would want to be the best that you could be. The bottom line is that when you are in the process of attending to various, important aspects and considerations of an adult loving relationship, it is important make sure to always be aware of yourself.

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Question: If you are in an adult loving relationship, what do you do to attend to and take care of yourself?

Bill

Do You Tell Little White Lies? (Or do you lie about that too?)

Most people like to think of themselves and portray themselves as “an honest person.” As some of you know, in my novels, pop-psych books and self-help books the phenomena of honesty, dishonesty and deceit are frequently discussed and illustrated (as well of the many ramifications of them). When I perchance look at people’s self-written profiles on websites such as match.com and eharmony.com, it is not uncommon to find statements such as, “One thing you can count on is that I am an honest person,” and “My friends all know me as an honest person.” What they are saying is that they are an honest person – they tell the truth and don’t lie (by design, omission or commission). And lets’ remember: A lie is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement with the intention to deceive, often with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, or to avoid punishment.

Interestingly, nonetheless, everything2.com says, “Honest people are the best liars. A truism of the human condition. Everyone lies, even if it is unintentional. The true masters of the art are the honest ones; they can remember what they said to one person and make sure they don’t contradict themselves when talking to another. Their mind carefully ticks and tocks, maintaining a delicate equilibrium of deceit."

By now you’re probably thinking, “I hear you, Bill, but I AM an honest person.” Okay I believe you. But just between you and me, let me ask you: have you ever made any of the following statements and not really meant it?

"It's so nice to see you."

“Glad you called.”

“I’d love to chat but I’m late for a meeting.”

“My cell phone battery was down.”

“I’ve been so busy this week… we’re really slammed at work.”

“I’m working on it as we speak.”

“Jeez… I’d love to but I already have a previous commitment that day.”

“I’m really looking forward to seeing you.”

“Oh this is delicious.”

“You know I’m always honest with you.”

(Or should I have asked, “When was the last time you made a statement like any of these?”)

In essence, statements like those above typically are considered “white lies.” According to wikipedia.org, “A white lie would cause no discord if it were uncovered and offers some benefit to the liar or the hearer, or both. As a concept, it is largely defined by local custom and cannot be clearly separated from regular lies with any authority. As such the term may have differing meanings in different cultures. Lies which are harmless but told for no reason are generally not called white lies.”

Marc, of marcandangel.com, posted what he considered the 15 most common white lies:

1. It wasn’t me! – Because some things just aren’t worth taking credit for.
2. The table will be ready in 5 minutes. – Because it sounds a lot better than 15 minutes.
3. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. – Because option B involves admitting that I am clueless.
4. Thank you so much! I just love it! – Because telling someone that their gift sucked would make me look like an insensitive jerk.
5. Yeah, you look great in that dress. – Because it’s better than being slapped.
6. Oh, things would have been different if I was there! – Because I’m Superman and I can always make a difference… or at least that’s how I want others to perceive of me.
7. No, officer… I have no idea how fast I was going. – Because claiming ignorance is sometimes better than admitting to insubordination.
8. I’m 29. – Because 29 is like 20 years younger than 30.
9. Yeah, I’ll start working on that ASAP! – Because telling you I have 10 things to do first would just irritate you.
10. Yes, John was with me last night. – Because that’s what friends do… we agree and ask questions later.
11. My resume is 5 pages long for a good reason. – Because I’m darn good at bullsh….’!
12. Man, that sucker was 10 feet long! – Because anything less would be boring.
13. Yeah, I was a badass on my high school football team! – Because I want to be seen by others in an even stronger light than I see myself.
14. I’m 21, 6’5, with a muscular build. – Because you can’t see me in this online chat room… ha ha!
15. I thought I already sent that email out. I’m sure I did. – Because telling you that it was a low priority and I forgot would probably hurt our relationship.

As posted by listafterlist.com, here are the first seven of their top ten white lies that men tell women (for some reason their numbers 8, 9 and 10 are missing from their site):

1. “Me? I graduated top of my class.”

2. “Of course I like your friends!”

3. “Honey, you’re the best.”

4. “No, I can’t call you. I don’t even know where I’ll be.”

5. “That dress isn’t too tight. It looks great!”

6. “They’re downsizing at work. But don’t worry. They won’t get me.”

7. “Sure, I’ll mow the lawn — as soon as this crick in my back goes away.”

Askmen.com lists and discusses (in reverse order) the top 10 lies women tell men. Below is their list (with only the first line or two from each):

Number 10

Oh, come on, do you really believe that she wouldn’t change anything about you? Anything? Reality check: There are probably many things about you that she’d like to change.

Number 9

No matter how great your friends are, your girlfriend doesn’t want them around all the time. Even though she might have told you this little white lie when you first started dating, don’t expect it to last past the Super Bowl.

Number 8

Once again, this is a lie your girlfriend might tell you at the beginning of your relationship. She’ll say that she really doesn’t mind picking up the dirty dishes you leave lying around and that she just loves doing the laundry. I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t going to last either.

Number 7

If you’re lucky, your girlfriend may not be lying when she tells you that she loves spending time with your family. However, if she secretly despises them, she probably won’t tell you in order to spare your feelings.

Number 6

Ah, another first date classic. She may tell you that she just loves watching Monday Night football in order to prove that she’s not like all the other girls and that you have common interests. But unless you’re lucky enough to have found one of the rare true female sports fans out there, within a few weeks, she’ll probably be complaining every time you sit down to watch a game.

Number 5

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the better part of your adult life, you’ve probably figured out that this is a trap. No matter what you say, she will get angry. If you try to tell her that she looks great, she’ll accuse you of lying to make her feel better about her rhinoceros butt. On the other hand, if you tell her that she has, in fact, put on a couple of pounds, you’re likely to set off a war in your living room.

Number 4

Do your arguments with your girlfriend usually end up with her admitting that you’re right and that you know better than her? And you actually believe her? Even if she realizes she’s wrong, chances are slim to none that she’ll actually admit it. The fact is that many women will tell you that you’re right to shut you up, but what they’re really thinking is: “He’ll find out soon enough that I’m right.”

Number 3

Although she may say this at first to seem cool and open-minded, chances are that it secretly drives her nuts when you eyeball the hot redhead at the grocery store. It’s quite simple: She wants to feel like you only have eyes for her even though she may not look like Pamela Anderson’s long-lost twin.

Number 2

Although it isn’t true that all women care about is the size of a man’s bank account, most women want a guy who is financially stable and independent. No, they don’t all want a sugar daddy; they just want to know that their man is capable of taking care of a potential future family.

Number 1

Most men will have temporary erectile difficulties at some point in their lives and most women are aware of this fact. However, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t bother your girlfriend when you’re getting hot and heavy and suddenly there’s nothing happening down there. This lie is only one of the dozens of sex-related lies that women tell to spare their partner’s feelings, including the classics “size doesn’t matter” and “you’re the best I’ve ever had.”

I hope you enjoyed these above lists. I really do. Trust me!

Question: What do you do to avoid committing white lies?

Bill

Monetary and Equity Issues that Couples in Long-Term Relationships Need To Pay Attention To

The old cliché, “Money is the root of all evil,” indeed can be a source of difficulty and trouble for individuals in adult loving relationships. Interestingly, in each of my three contemporary romance novels, money and equity are central issues. For example, in My Sweetpea: Seven Years and Seven Days, Sheila’s difficulties with Troy become magnified when his compulsive gambling begins to translate into money problems for them. In Fear of Feeling Loved, Marcia is continuously aware that Jack’s income is significantly larger than hers – especially when they go somewhere or do something that costs money. In Chapter Ten of my most recent novel, If Ever Again… It’ll be for Love, Diane and Michael, who met en route to and while at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica, discuss their differential income levels during their lay-over in the Miami airport. Below is the segment of that specific scene in which they discuss a money issue.

* * * * * * * * * *

As soon as they deplaned, Michael said, “Hey, we have over two hours before our next flight. How about if I treat you to breakfast?”

“That would be nice, Michael,” Diane replied as they began walking, hand-in-hand, toward the main terminal. “But now that we’re back in Florida, I have to…”

“You have to,” Michael interrupted, “learn how to just say ‘Thank you.’”

“I know, and I will. But I work. I have a job. I can pay for things, too.”

“Oh, so you have a need to be Miss Fair and Equitable?”

“Yes, Michael. I do.”

“Okay. How much money do you make?”

“What?”

“What’s your annual income? Roughly speaking.”

“Not counting my alimony and child support, about thirty thousand. Roughly speaking.”

“Okay. So then for every five times we eat out, I’ll pay for four of them and you pay for one. That would be fair and equitable.”

“Holy cow,” Diane gasped, “you make four times as much as I do?”

“Roughly speaking.” (p. 150)

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As I have mentioned previously, a good friend and colleague, Dr. Bill Lambos, and I currently are writing the 2^nd Edition of my 1997 self-help book, Adult Loving Relationships. One of the new chapters we are adding to the book is Chapter 27 “Monetary and Equity Issues.” Under the heading “Monetary and Equity Issues that Couples in Long-Term Relationships Need To Pay Attention To,” we offer the following introductory considerations and then list and discuss twenty three issues for individuals in adult loving relationships should attend to. Below is that segment of Chapter 27:

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“I wish we had…” is a statement we frequently hear from couples in adult loving relationships. Moreover, many times people “didn’t” because they didn’t think of it. Thus, we recommend that you and your partner review the following twenty three issues that you may want to attend to now or plan to attend to them at an appropriate time in the future.

1. Asset Allocation. The single most important thing a couple who wants to invest can do is – practice asset allocation.

2. Auto Insurance. Auto insurance can be a nightmare. It’s costly, confusing and unrewarding – until you need it.

3. Basics of Banking and Saving. Both partners need to be knowledgeable of the basics of banking and saving.

4. Basics of Investing. Discussions, plans and action are highly recommended – someday “tomorrow” will come.

5. Buying a Car. Buying a car is like no other shopping experience – the choices can seem to be endless. Purchasing a car – together – is good practice in making joint decisions.

6. Buying a Home. Owning your own home (be it a house or a condo) is part of the American Dream, but if you’re not prepared, buying it can be a nightmare. Learn as much as you can about home ownership – before you purchase one.

7. Children and Money. Up until they start earning a living, and sometimes well beyond that, children are apt to spend money like it grows on trees. It is important for parents to teach their children how to handle money responsibly – primarily by example.

8. Controlling Debt. Individually and collectively, you have to know when to hold debt… and when to fold it.

9. Employee Stock Options. More companies are providing stock options for a much broader group of employees. Wisely taking advantage of this can be tremendously helpful.

10. Estate Planning. Americans are in the midst of one of greatest inter-generational transfers of wealth in history, yet few of us have done any planning for it. Together, learn how to do this… and do it.

11. Health Insurance. Whether your employer provides you with a group medical plan or you need to buy coverage on the individual market, understanding how health insurance works is the best way to get your money’s worth.

12. Hiring Financial Help. By reading and studying, learn what to keep in mind when seeking professionals to handle your financial planning, stock trading, insurance coverage and tax returns.

13. Investing in Bonds. Bonds can provide a steady and reasonably secure income, while adding ballast to your portfolio – just make sure you really understand what you’re buying.

14. Home Insurance. Homeowners’ insurance can be a nightmare. It’s costly, confusing, and unrewarding – until you have to use it. Be sure to have the coverage you need to have.

15. Investing in Mutual Funds. It’s a mutual-fund jungle out there. Developing a simple and manageable portfolio is a recommended option to consider in your investment planning.

16. Investing in Stocks. The stock market can be a great place to turn savings into wealth – or you can lose you shirt. Learn the fundamentals you need to invest wisely

17. Life Insurance. Life insurance is a critical part of financial planning and is a necessity for anyone with dependents who would be affected financially by your demise. Yet life insurance is one of the hardest financial products to understand and it is sold by agents who are sometimes more concerned with their commissions than your needs – be cautious and knowledgeable when purchasing life insurance.

18. Making a Budget. Individually and collectively, keep spending under control so that you get the most out of every dollar.

19. Planning for Retirement. Achieving a comfortable retirement in the 21^st Century requires a new approach to retirement planning. Think everything through carefully and plan for your needs (and wants).

20. Saving for College. It is not rocket science… just common sense. By starting early and investing regularly, your children may have a wider choice of colleges, and paying the bills won’t hurt as much.

21. Setting Priorities. Unless you are independently wealthy, you will not be able to have everything you want – set your priorities carefully and honor them in our actions.

22. Taxes. Among the long list of necessary evils we must encounter throughout our lives, perhaps the most constant – taxes – is also the typically least understood. With some basic knowledge, however, you can know what you need to know to avoid getting hurt.

23. 401(k)s. By some, this is considered the most important tool you’ve got for retirement. Learn how to make the most of it.

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Question: What are some things that you and your significant other do to assure that money and equity issues do not become a problem for you?

Bill