Sometimes “Kids Say the Darnedest Things”

Tomorrow I will be driving up to my son’s house in Lizella, Georgia (just outside of Macon) to spend the weekend at a family gathering – my three grandchildren being the center of much attention (especially Austin – it’s his fifth birthday). And although I don’t have to tell you… anyone who has spent time around children or is a parent or a grandparent knows that sometimes children can say the darnedest things. Some of us are old enough to remember the well-known old TV show, “Art Linkletter’s Kids Say the Darnedest Things.” Some of the more memorable ones include:

Art: “What does your dad do around the house to help your mother?”
Boy: “He makes cocktails.”

Art: “Do you know any family secrets?”
Girl: “My brother keeps a rat under his bed.”

Later on, “Kids Say the Darnedest Things” was a TV show hosted by Bill Cosby and co-hosted by Art Linkletter that aired on CBS in the late 1990s. It actually was based on Art Linkletter’s TV show, “Art Linkletter’s House Party,” which aired five days a week on CBS for more than twenty years. The premise of the show was the host would ask a question to a cute child (around the age of 3-8) who would usually respond in a “cute” way.

Country Living, Country Skills, Country People displays some rather funny “Kids say the darnedest things.” For example:

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT???” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

I also found some pretty funny, “Children's Letters to God.” Here are two of them:

Dear God,
My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Dennis

Dear God,
Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma

As you may know, I typically spice up my novels with humor. For example, in my novel, Fear of Feeling Loved, some of Marcia’s interactions with her cat, Sam, are hilarious (especially for cat owners). Children also can provide excellent humor – sometimes they do say the darnedest things.

In Chapter 3 of my latest novel, If Ever Again…It’ll be for Love, the heroine is a single mom – in many ways, Rebecca, Diane’s five-year old daughter who she calls Becca, is the center of her life. On a Friday evening after they returned from Diane’s co-ed softball game, Rebecca was watching Diane pick out what she was going to wear to her fiend’s, Carol’s, barbeque the following evening. (Diane knew that Carol had invited a blind date for her.) Later in the scene, Becca spoke on the phone with Carol. Here’s part of that scene:

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When Diane got home from the game, after showering and giving Rebecca her bath, she looked through her closet to see what she was going to wear to Carol’s. Rebecca was watching. “Mommy’s going to wear these tapered jeans and sandals,” Diane said.
When Diane held up a tie-front, split-neck red sweater, Rebecca said, “Wear that one, Mommy. I like that one.”
Diane looked at it, and as she was putting it back she said, “No honey, I don’t think I’ll wear that one.”
“Why?” Rebecca asked.
“Too much. . . cleavage. I think I’ll wear this one. This is pretty,” Diane said as she held up a cream-colored, mid-sleeve, rolled v-neck sweater.
A while later, Diane said, “Well honey, before it gets too late I’m going to call Miss Carol and tell her I’ll be coming to her barbecue tomorrow evening.”
“Can I talk with her?”
“Sure. Here, I’ll dial her number for you and you can talk with her.”
They sat on the couch.
Diane listened to Rebecca’s side of the conversation. “Hi Miss Carol, this is Rebecca… I’m fine… Mommy is coming to your barbeque tomorrow night… Yes, I’ll be at Daddy’s… You know what? Mommy’s going to look pretty, but she’s not going to wear her cleavage… No…” Diane heard Carol laughing. “What’s funny, Mommy? What’d I say?” Rebecca asked with a confused look.
“Nothing, honey. You didn’t say anything wrong. Tell Miss Carol about the softball game.”
“Teddy had to stay home, and Mommy got two hits!”

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Question: Do you recall a “sometimes kids say the darnedest things” you could share with us?

Bill