Sunday, April 22, 2007

“Relationship Enders” in Romantic Adult Loving Relationships

In a previous Post, on January 30, 2007, I addressed the question, “Why people get into and stay in romantic adult loving relationships?” And while augmenting the reasons I offered, basically from my 1998 self-help book, Adult Loving Relationships, the 12 Comments to that Post offered numerous other reasons. Now I would like to address another poignant question: “Why do people end romantic adult loving relationships?” Said another way, what are peoples’ “Relationship Enders?”

If you do not think this topic is a critical aspect of romantic adult loving relationships, do a Google search for “Relationship Enders” – you’ll find hundreds of scholarly discussions, Website topics and blog Posts addressing the issue. In the two companion self-help books I currently am writing, I am addressing this issue as well.

As many of you may know, my contemporary romance novels surface and portray numerous critical romantic adult loving relationship phenomena, including “Relationship Enders:”

In my first novel, My Sweetpea: Seven Years and Seven Days, in addition to Troy’s very disturbing emotional and verbal abuse, excessive drinking and compulsive gambling, the relationship ender for Sheila was when she “no longer felt loved by Troy.”

In my recently released novel, Fear of Feeling Loved, Marcia had been tolerating her previous boyfriend’s excessive drinking, verbal abuse and self-centeredness, but ended her relationship with him when – “I’ll never forget the sight of the phone coming across the room at me, heading right toward my face.”

Diane, in my soon to be released novel, If Ever Again… It’ll be for Love, decided to file for divorce from her cheating and verbally and emotionally abusive ex-husband when she realized that “Whatever I do or don’t do, in his eyes I’ll never be good enough.”

Question: What would be one (or some) of your “Relationship Enders?”



Kelly (Lynn) Parra said...

There are so many--especially in romance! I'll just throw out one...being unfaithful? :)

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Kelly,
While I do not know of any research on th topic, my bet would be that "being unfaithful" would be the #1 relationship ender.

Mostly Happy Thoughts said...

I think for me it is the point where we have gone over the same issues a million times and have not been able to resolve them- usually I get to a place where I am fed up and frustrated and leave.

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hello MHT,
You have poignantly described the difference between helplessness (not knowing what to do) and hopelessness (thinking/feeling that that there is nothing would change or fix things). As you stated, knowing when to quit trying is an important decision and typically it is when "hopelessness" sets in.
Thanks for visiting and sharing,