Patterns in Your Life Can be Functional or Dysfunctional

As can easily be explained by behavioral psychology, most people have patterns in their lives. The term “pattern,” from the French word patron meaning model, is “a recurring set of events or objects that repeat in a predictable fashion.” The term “functional” can refer to many phenomena (such as functional form and functionalism [as in architecture, mathematics, ontology, programming, symptom, and in music diatonic]); herein, however, I use the term functional to refer to “something able to fulfill its purpose or function.” Collectively, these terms refer to patterns in a person’s life that are either functional (i.e., they work, they’re good for you) or dysfunctional (i.e., they don’t work, they’re not good for you).

In my novels, the main characters take a look at the patterns in their individual lives as well as their collective/romantic lives. For example, in My Sweetpea: Seven Years and Seven Days, both Troy and Sheila eventually realize that Troy’s gambling has become troublesome – not only for Troy but for their marriage; in Fear of Feeling Loved, Marcia soon appreciates that her pattern of acting non-trustingly toward men is creating a problem in her relationship with Jack; and in If Ever Again… It’ll be for Love, Diane begins to see that her pattern always being argumentative with Michael is pushing him away.

My pop-psych book, Living Life, Anyway, addresses this functional versus dysfunctional patterns in life consideration in Chapter One, “Living Life, Consciously.” I will paste it in below for you:

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Sometimes, patterns in our lives can be like addictions– we follow our patterns without even realizing it (and occasionally professing that we can’t help ourselves, like the person who says, “I get so excited about getting a new car I just can’t help but tell everyone about it!”).

But do not assume that patterns necessarily are either good or bad. Rather, I prefer to look at the patterns in our lives similarly to how I view addictions: they can be either functional or dysfunctional. For example, while drinking a fifth of scotch every night might very well be considered a dysfunctional addiction, compulsively jogging two miles every morning may be considered a positive addiction. Likewise, timing it so that you get to the golf course just in time to tee off, may be a dysfunctional pattern, and timing yourself so that you get to the course early enough to stretch and loosen up, may be a functional pattern. To evaluate yourself in this area, just ponder two questions: (1) Is there any pattern to what I do? And (2) What are the logical consequences to the pattern? If nine out of ten times that you play golf you arrive at the course just in time to tee off, I would conclude that there is a pattern to what you do and if nine out of ten times you leave the course with pulled muscles, I would conclude that it is a dysfunctional pattern. Observing and being aware of such things indeed can be an important educational experience for us.

In the formal consideration of “education,” I treasure Lord Brougham’s observation: “Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy to govern but impossible to enslave.” If we are not aware of the dysfunctional patterns in our lives, then aren’t we “slaves” to our own patterns (or said another way, to our own ignorance)? Learning from our observations and experiences, certainly can constitute the most important education we can ever have. Fittingly, the old proverb: “You pay for an education once; you pay for ignorance the rest of your life.” If I am to learn from my experience, then I must be aware of my experience (and, as well, I must be aware of my experience with my experience). Definitively, should we boil all of this down, the ultimate question we need to ask ourselves is: “Why do I do what I do?” If you are able to answer that question for yourself, and continue to ask yourself that question, chances are that you will not engage in dysfunctional patterns. You will learn from your experience. You will be aware, and most likely you will live a happier life.

(pp. 21-22)

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Question: What do you do to avoid dysfunctional patterns in your life?

Bill