What Was It About Your Significant Other That Grabbed You?

When I work with couples, I always find it interesting when they tell me what it was that first attracted them to each other. For some, it was a physical feature (e.g., legs, hands, back), for others it was a personality characteristic (funny, witty, charming, secure), and for others it was an attribute such as success, power, popularity, talent, etc.

For many years, research investigating the relationship between body build and personality stereotypes found that the mesomorphic build was attributed positive qualities while the endomorph and ectomorph were assigned negative qualities by both males and females. More recent research, however, has revealed a potential shift in body build preferences as standards of physical attractiveness. For example, contrary to earlier research, females have been found to exhibit a strong personal preference for the ectomorphic look and males to prefer ectomorphic looking females.

In my contemporary romance novels, the beginning banter and dance between the heroine and the hero include “those things that grab (him or her).” And as many of you know, I also include humor along the way. For example, in my novel, Fear of Feeling Loved, one Sunday evening Marcia is talking on the phone with her favorite aunt, Aunt Betty. While discussing some of her concerns regarding Jack, her new boyfriend, Marcia asks Aunt Betty, “So, old wise one, any pearls of wisdom I need to hear?” With a touch of humor yet spiced with some truisms, here’s the rest of their conversation:

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“Here are the five secrets to having a great relationship,” Aunt Betty began. “One – find a man who is buff, tall, dark and handsome. Two – find a man who has a good job, makes a lot of money, and wants to spend it on you. Three – find a man who is gentle, caring, sensitive, and a good listener. Four – find a man who is great in bed, for hours at a time. And five – don’t ever let them find out about each other.”

“Oh Aunt Betty, that’s good!” Marcia said through a hand clamped over her mouth.

“Thanks. I always have enjoyed a good laugh. It’s good for the soul.”

“Oh yeah.”

“And I hope you heard me too?”

“Meaning?”

“Well… I’m reminded of a metaphor. It really doesn’t matter if your man’s package is a piccolo, a clarinet, or an oboe.”

“Okay. I’m with ya.”

“It’s not the size of the instrument, Marcia. It’s the sound of the music.”

“And if you’re lucky, he’s an orchestra.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Question: What was it that grabbed you when you first met your significant other?

Bill