Secrets to a Happy Marriage

As I suggest in my self-help book, Adult Loving Relationships, there are no definitive secrets to a happy marriage per se – everyone and every couple have they’re own.

Nonetheless, a good friend, Jordana, recently sent to me a link to an excellent and very interesting Today.msnbc website article entitled, “7 secrets to a long — and happy marriage.” It tells about Matthew Boggs, whose parents divorced, and how he was jaded about marriage. Nonetheless, he noticed his grandmother and grandfather, who had been married for 63 years, were still madly in love. To find out what was the secret to a long and happy marriage, Boggs and his friend, Jason Miller, traveled 12,000 miles around the U.S. to talk to what they call the “Marriage Masters,” couples who have been married 40 years or more. In their new book, Project Everlasting, Boggs and Miller share advice from the happy couples. TODAYshow.com asked the two bachelors to tell them what they thought were the top seven secrets to a successful marriage. Here they are:
1. “Divorce? Never. Murder? Often!”
2. “There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments.”
3. Unpack the Gunnysack
4. Never Stop Dating
5. “Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”
6. Join the CMAT Club
7. The Discipline of Respect
(I know these seven “titles” are ambiguous by themselves… they’re worth reading, however, and I encourage you to look at the site and read them for yourself.)

I like all seven but have a special fondness for #5. In my latest contemporary romance book, If Ever Again… It’ll be for Love, there’s an apropos line for which I have a special fondness: “Love is not a noun… it’s a verb.”

And before closing, I want to share with you one of my mother’s pearls of wisdom. It is from my pop-psych book, Mom and Dad’s Pearls of Wisdom… You Gotta Love ’Em:

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Marriage

During the summer of 1995, I was spending most of my free time writing my book Adult Loving Relationships. But for ten days, I put away my files and folders and shut down my computer so I could spend some quality time with my mother during her semiannual visit from New Jersey.

During that time, many of our conversations understandably included the pivotal aspects of adult loving relationships. My mother would listen patiently and attentively as I shared some of the major constructs I was writing about in my book. On one particular evening, as we sat with our respective beer and wine listening to the water lapping against the sea wall, I said, “Mom, we both know I’ve been doing marriage and couples therapy for many years, I’ve researched the sub-topic areas, and I teach a graduate course in it. But considering that you and Dad were happily married for almost fifty years, what would you say a good marriage is?”

With a chuckle, she responded, “First of all, I would like to add ‘most of the time’ to what you said about me and your dad being happily married.” Then she went on:

A good marriage is when both the husband and the wife

wind up with someone better than they deserve.

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Question: Do any of Boggs and Miller’s seven secrets to success, my “Love is not a noun… it’s a verb” quote, or my mom’s pearl of wisdom resonate with you in any special way?

Bill