Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Romantic Pearls of Wisdom

Over the past couple of weeks, a number of colleagues, friends and fellow bloggers have discussed how pivotal and helpful romantic pearls of wisdom are in their lives and furthermore shared some of their favorites with me. Herewith, I’d like to share some of mine with you.

Fittingly so, I include romantic pearls of wisdom in my novels. For example, on the cover of my recently published novel, Fear of Feeling Loved, is a marques line from Marcia’s Aunt Betty when they were talking about risk-taking in love relationships:
“That’s the biggest risk you take – allowing yourself to feel loved by someone else.”

In Chapter 20 of the novel that I currently am finishing, If Ever Again… It’ll be for Love, I have a line that Katrina Van Overbeke, President of Mill City Press, included in an e-mail to me and gave me permission to use. When Diane, the heroine, is talking with her mother about some of her concerns about her relationship with Michael, her mom says:
Love is not a noun – it’s a verb.”

“Love” and “being loving” includes the phenomenon of “caring.” In my recently published pop-psych book, Mom and Dad’s Pearls of Wisdom… You Gotta Love ’Em, I share the story of the time I was telling my mother that I really cared about an elderly neighbor whose husband had recently died and I didn’t know what to do. “Mow her overgrown grass,” mom suggested, and then poignantly followed with:
“Passive caring benefits you; active caring benefits the other person.”

As you may have seen in the “Works in Progress,” I currently am working on two new self-help books in the area of adult loving relationships. In them I shall be including and discussing the following romantic pearls of wisdom:
“One of the most loving ways of telling me you love me is by listening to me.”
“The main reason why you are constantly receiving love is because you are constantly giving it.”
“The beauty of our love is in our pursuit of it, not in our achievements or attainments of it.”
“When we love each other we don’t open each other’s wounds, we help each other heal them.”
“We have created and are maintaining a beautiful sense of ‘us’ without destroying our senses of ‘me’ and ‘you’.”
“If time is my most prized possession, then spending time with you is my greatest gift of love to you.”

Question: What are your favorite romantic pearls of wisdom?



Anonymous said...

Similar to one of yours, I like how my husband proposed to me. The ring he gave is three bands of different golds. He said "One represents you, me, us, and all the spaces in between."


Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Nienke,
Glad you stopped by for a visit and for sharing your husband's incredibly loving words. Says it all doesn't it! (And aren't you a lucky woman!)
With your permission, I would like to include this in one of my next self-help books ("Our Adult Loving Relationship") -- please let me know if it's okay.
Thanks again,

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Well, mine certainly isn't romantic...The PK and I aren't really the romantic kind (well, I am...but he's not, so I've learned to live with it)....but the best married pearl of wisdom I could give anyone is:

"Choose your battles wisely"

(Although I didn't apply that pearl when I was first married....I broke it ALL THE TIME).

I think, when you're together for a while (The PK and I have been married almost 15 years), you learn what's important and what's not. When we were newly married, we fought A LOT. A WHOLE LOT. But now, whenever we get snappy with each other I know I think to myself..."Is this really worth a fight?"

Usually, the answer is no.

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi PK,
Thanks for sharing your marital experience with "romance" and one of your favorite romantic pearls. If I may, I have two observaions:
(1) How do we define what is "romantic"? (What may romantic to one person may not to another, and my bet is that the PK indeed may have done, and may do, many things which you feel are "romantic" -- unless your a sadist, he has to have been doing something for your marriage to have lasted 15 years); and,
(2) if the two of you "choose your battles wisely" (and fight fair), maybe that in and of itself is "romantic"?
And for the record, I wish I had a nickle for every time I didn't heed your romantic pearl and came to the conclusion, "Okay, I won another battle... but I'm still losing the war."
Thanks again,

Kelly (Lynn) Parra said...

Interesting post, Bill! Wow, for Nienke's husband, that's wonderful!

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Kelly,
Thanks so much for the gracious comment regarding the Post. And yes, Nienke's a very lucky woman, in two ways -- she has a wonderful husband and she appreciates it!
Thanks again,

insideout said...

I keep going back to my accident because its fresh in my mind. When I mentioned to my wife that I relized how this whole thing had affected her I said I would sell the Harley. Her reply to me was one that I will never forget. That Harley is something you love, and it would be unfair for me to demand that you change. I married you for who you are and what you stand for and I will support your decision either way. After all these years I still feel that I am very lucky man to have this woman in my life. PQ, great pearls of wisdom. Pick your fights has really served me well through the years also. Ohhh the Harley is for sale. I will miss her but my decision for now is to make sure I am around to be the best father and husband that I can be...I/O

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hey I/O,
Glad you came by for a visit and shared your wife’s response. In my Post I suggested that being “lovingly supportive” included “not being smothering” – based on your experience, we also could add “not being demanding.” I’m sad with you for having to give up your Harley, but I clearly sense that you’re okay and feel good about with the decision – “your decision” – you made it for you and not because someone else demanded that you make it.
You’re a lucky man… in many ways!

Bailey Stewart said...

Well, for my parents who were married for almost 53 years, it was "don't go to bed angry" and "always look for the person you fell in love with, they're there if you look hard enough."

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Bailey,
Thanks for visiting and sharing your parents' romantic pearls. When my students ask me if various romantic pearls of wisdom are good or not, I just tell them I'm a functional pragmatist -- if they work for the couple, then they're good. Your parents' were tremendous -- not only do I like them, but they worked for your parents for 53 years.
Thanks again,