My New Website -- One among Billions

As many of my blog fans have reminded me, it’s been awhile since I posted a Post. Procrastination and a few softball games and motorcycle rides notwithstanding, over the past few months I have been very busy (e.g., the typical and customary University tasks, the post-publication shepparding of four books published early in 2009, and the writing of the first draft of the 15 chapters of a new, under contract textbook with my co-author, Dr. Bill Lambos). I know many of us in today’s society have redefined the term “multi-tasking,” yet at times my recent multi-tasking felt like it was on steroids. Nonetheless, with the tremendous professional assistance of a good friend and colleague, Ms. Barbara Lofrisco, I now have a new website – new yet still at the same URL: emenerbooks.com. Barb did an excellent job (and as part of our two-person team, I did my job: I asked the many pesky questions such as “How about if…?” “Why? and “Why not?” Hey, somebody had to do it…!)

In doing some recent research for my and Dr. Lambos’ textbook – regarding the impact of electronic technology and the Internet on loving relationships and couples and marriage counseling – I found some interesting data regarding “websites.” First, however, let’s define and discuss the term. For example, according to wikipedia, a website (or “web site”) is a collection of related web pages, images, videos or other digital assets that are hosted on one web server, usually accessible via the Internet. A web page is a document, typically written in (X)HTML, that is almost always accessible via HTTP, a protocol that transfers information from the web server to display in the user’s web browser. And, all publicly accessible websites are seen collectively as constituting the “World Wide Web.”

The pages of a website can usually be accessed from a common root URL called the homepage, and usually reside on the same physical server. The URLs of the pages organize them into a hierarchy, although the hyperlinks between them control how the reader perceives the overall structure and how the traffic flows between the different parts of the site.

Some websites require a subscription to access some or all of their content. Examples of subscription sites include many business sites, parts of many news sites, academic journal sites, gaming sites, message boards, Web-based e-mail, services, social networking websites, and sites providing real-time stock market data. Because they require authentication to view the content they are technically an Intranet site. And by now you may be thinking about how smart Bill is? (No, not true. Remember, I was the one asking Barb the pesky questions.)

According to about.com, in 2005, Google reported they indexed 8,058,044,651 web pages on the Internet. This did not include the millions of pages they did not index. Today, the number of Google-indexed pages is estimated to be closer to 9 billion and thousands of new websites go live every single day (like mine did last night). Royal Pingdom reports that it was 6 years from when the first website appeared in December 1990 before the Internet had 100,000 websites. In 2008, Royal Pingdom estimated there were more than 162 million websites (not web pages). Yikes!

I’ll be back soon with another Post. And in the meantime, to help you find my new website among the 162 million others, here’s a link to it: emenerbooks.com.

Enjoy!

Bill

Stress from Financial Problems: Employee Assistance Programs Can Help

With two great friends and colleagues, Dr. Michael A. Richard and Dr. William S. Hutchison, I just enjoyed seeing our new book – the 4^th Edition of our EAP book: Employee Assistance Programs: Wellness/Enhancement Programming. And while this book is an exceptionally valuable source for EAP professionals and students taking courses in the subject area, it also highlights some of the daunting challenges for employees and the businesses and companies trying to assist them. Among the many kinds of issues and problems that can face employees, over the past year “financial problems” understandably is on the rise.

Firstly, let’s recall that Employee Assistance Programs are employee benefit programs offered by many employers, typically in conjunction with a health insurance plan. EAPs are intended to help employees deal with personal problems that might adversely impact their work performance, health, and well-being. EAPs generally include assessment, short-term counseling and referral services for employees and their household members.

Secondly, with regard to the rising financial problems employees are having, a review of research in the early part of this decade reveals that about one in every four American workers feels seriously distressed by their personal financial situation. More recent surveys show the situation has worsened. According to an April 2008 survey by Kaiser Family Foundation, almost two-thirds (61%) of Americans report having “serious financial problems.” These problems mentioned include paying for gas (44%), getting a good-paying job or a raise (29%), paying for health care and health insurance (28%), paying rent or mortgage (19%), paying for food (18%), problems with credit card debt or other personal debt (18%), and losing money in the stock market (16%).

A 2008 study by the American Psychological Association, reported that most Americans are stressed and anxious about their financial future. For example, about 8 in 10 people identify money (81%) and the economy (80%) as significant sources of stress in their lives. Other sources of stress include work (67%), family health problems (67%), housing costs (62%), relationships (62%), personal health concerns (61%), job stability (56%), and personal safety (48%). Furthermore, a majority of employees feel unprepared financially for economic strain, with less than a third of employees (29%) saying they had enough savings to cover more than six months of life expenses.

A growing body of research has also begun to show the link between workers’ financial stability and their productivity and performance at work. For example, in one follow-up study of 436 employees who had used a financial advisor through a referral from a national EAP, 91% of the workers found the intervention to be effective, 74% had reduced stress, 67% had improved health and well-being, 39% had less work absenteeism, and 36% had improved work productivity.

We know that EAPs can be helpful to their employees (and there are many direct and indirect benefits for the companies offering EAP assistance). Thus, if you are having serious financial problems and your company has an EAP, I strongly urge you to use it.

Question: What are you doing to cope with the current financial crisis?

Bill

Two New Self-Help Books on Loving Relationships

As I have been telling you, for the past year a good friend and colleague, Dr. Bill Lambos, and I have been writing two new self-help books. They are a companion set and indeed address the critical issues that challenge people in loving relationships.

The overall theme and topics of the first book are on its back cover:


The second one of this "Companion Set" is Our Loving Relationship. On the book's back cover, the essence and contents of the book are discussed:





With the assistance of our publisher, Nova Science Publishers, I am able to offer to my blog fans a time-limited 40% Discount. If you go to the publisher's website at Nova Science Publishers and then to the pages for the two books:

My Loving Relationships and Our Loving Relationship, then after adding them to your cart enter the Promotion Code: Leaf40 and you will get a 40% Off Discount.

Please know, however, that Bill and I would appreciate your sharing with us your candid thoughts and opinions after you have read the books.

Thanks so much... and HAPPY READING,

Bill

The Changing Face of the United States

As I have mentioned on numerous occasions, for the past five months I have been heavily involved with my co-editors and co-authors in the writing and editing of five books – two self-help books and three textbooks. I am delighted to tell you that all publishers’ deadlines have been met thus far and four of the five books should be out and available within the next four to six weeks. As soon as they are, I will be sure to let you know.

Unfortunately, my non-teaching time has been understandably devoted to these five books and thus I have been somewhat remiss and behind on posting Posts on my blog. Nonetheless, as soon as these four of my five books are out the door and off my plate, I again will return to posting Posts on a regular weekly basis. This past week, however, I had a powerful, personal experience that I had not predicted and quickly want to share it with you.

On numerous occasions this past Tuesday night as I was watching the election results (way into the night), I had tears in my eyes. The results and especially the speeches by Senator Obama and Senator McCain ushered back many memories – I vividly recall when an African-American woman, Rosa Parks, wasn’t allowed on a city bus, the landmark Brown versus the Board of Education case, Dr. Martin Luther King’s 1963 Lincoln Memorial speech, and among other galvanizing recollections seeing helmeted Chicago police officers on horseback hitting demonstrating citizens at the 1968 Democratic Convention with their nightsticks. Then it struck me – cognitively as well as emotionally: the face of United States is no longer that of an economically comfortable Caucasian male with graying hair… the face of the United States is a collage of young and old, male and female, white-, African-, Hispanic- and Asian-Americans (among others) struggling to make ends meet.

Personally, I embrace and welcome and am genuinely excited by this change; moreover, I am enjoying a strong sense of optimism regarding our future. And while the light at the end of the tunnel may be a while in coming, I also believe that as a society we will slowly move from our somewhat still existent, self-centered “me-ism” and collectively demonstrate a genuine sense of “we-ism” – all of which will further reveal the melting-pot essence of our country.

Question: What do you think and how do you feel about the changing face of the United States?

Bill

Are We Becoming a Self-Focused and Greedy Society?

As I recently have observed and reflected on some macro issues in our society (e.g., Bank of America’s purchase of Merrill Lynch, the leveraging activities of investment banks such as Goldman Sachs and Lehman and the large salaries and huge bonuses of their executives) as well as some micro issues (e.g., how modern life has become dominated by self-focused people whose primary if no sole objective is increase and maintain their individual wealth and well-bring), I concluded that we by and large are becoming a greedy and self-focused society.

The lifestyles of many people I know and see saddens me because it does not foster a compassionate, community-building environment. On the other hand, it is nice to feel a real connection with people that is not based on material wealth and status (consumer-driven). Maybe I’m just getting tired of the growing me, me, me generation.

Self-focused attention, thought of a self-absorption, has been linked to a variety of affective states and clinical syndromes, including depression, panic disorder, social anxiety, schizophrenia, and alcoholism. Some research, for example, has reported that self-focused attention is a correlate of depression but not emotional difficulty in general. Further, both depression and private self-consciousness tend to be independently associated with a negative evaluation of the self. Self-focused attention also has been found to be correlated with negative mood in individuals experiencing at least some symptoms of depression but not in non-depressed persons. Lastly, self-focused attention and stressful life events are independently associated with depression. And, in my view, this tends to make sense:
If people are seeing their income, earning power and assets dwindling and the costs of gas and other necessities and commodities rising, among other things,
Then it makes sense for people to experience depression and be focused on themselves.

Greed denotes desire to acquire wealth or possessions beyond the needs of the individual, especially when this accumulation of possession denies others legitimate needs or access to those or other resources. For example, amassing a large collection of seashells would not be considered greed, unless in doing so, the needs of others were jeopardized. Essential to the concept of greed is the awareness that the needs of others are denied; thus, the insatiable acquisition of frivolous goods exemplifies greed while non-frivolous goods may not. Greed also often involves using wealth to gain power over others, sometimes by denying wealth or power.

Regarding greed, I love the following considerations:

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“To make a business decision, you don’t need much philosophy; all you need is greed, and maybe a little knowledge of how the game works.”
Bill Watterson
(American Author of the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes)

“Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction.”
Erich Fromm

Question: What’s been your experience – do you think we are becoming a greedy and self-focused society?

Bill

Why Do You Vote the Way You Vote?

One evening last week before the start of one of my graduate classes, some of the students and I were talking about the upcoming presidential election and all of the historical aspects of the Conventions and particular vicissitudes of this specific election. Later as I was driving home, I reflected on our pre-class conversation and wondered, “Why do people vote the way they vote?”

A brief investigation into this question revealed some interesting findings. For example:

hockeydino suggests, “How about voting for someone who stands for defending the constitution? How about voting for someone who will bring our troops home around the world and protect our freedom here? How about someone with a proven track record for never raising taxes? How about supporting someone who is not on the take by special interest groups? How about voting on principle rather than emotions that is fueled by media human drama stories?

An article linked to the APA (American Psychological Association) website addresses some of the “psychological reasons” why people vote the way they do.

Another site, the guardian, ponders the extent to which people vote “with their head” (what they think) and/or the extent to which they vote “with their heart” (how they feel).

A very intriguing article, “Why Voters Vote the Way They Do” by Bill Steigerwald, asks fascinating questions such as, “How do voters choose their candidates? How do they process all the political information that they are bombarded with so they can make intelligent choices during elections like next week’s primaries?” He then goes on to talk about some of the research results Richard R. Lau, a politics professor at Rutgers, and his colleague, David Redlawsk, wrote about in their 2006 book, How Voters Decide: Information Processing in Election Campaigns.

I also revisited what my Dad once said to me, as I wrote about in my pop-psych book, Mom and Dad’s Pearls of Wisdom: You Gotta Love ’Em, prior to the 1960 presidential election. I shall share this with you below:

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Elected Officials

One Saturday evening in the fall of 1960, I was shooting darts at my father’s VFW post with my dad and a few of his friends. When the conversation turned to the upcoming presidential election, I began telling everyone why I thought John F. Kennedy was the best candidate. Some in the group agreed with me, and some disagreed.

In between games, when most of the players were either ordering more beer or getting rid of it, I went over to my father and whispered, “How can Mr. Arnold say Kennedy’s just another politician?”

“He just doesn’t like Kennedy,” my father flatly replied.

“But, Dad, John Kennedy is such a great leader, a brilliant thinker, and a—”

“Bill,” my father interrupted, “when it comes to what people say about a candidate in any election,

If you agree with him, he’s a statesman;

if you disagree with him, he’s a politician.

(p. 27)

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As I further reflected on this November’s presidential election, I also wondered, “When I go into the booth and cast my vote, to what extent will I be considering…

• What’s best for me personally? My family? Future generations? My community? The United States? The world?

• The candidates’ education, public speaking ability, religion, family, previous experiences, party affiliation, running mate, gender, ethnicity, and likableness?

• Am I voting the way I have told others I would vote (or was I saying one thing and herewith doing something else)?

• Is he/they “good” or the lesser of the two options (or would I prefer to write in someone else)?

Obviously, there are many reasons such as those above, as to why we vote the way we vote. The most important thing is that we vote! However, I also urge that before you cast your ballot give some serious thought as to why you are voting the way you are voting.

Question: What are some of your reasons why you will vote the way you will vote?

Bill

Unrealistic Expectations in the Real World

About a week ago, before leaving for a brief one-last-vacation before the start of fall semester, I was chatting with a Harley-riding friend of mine who recently had gone on a job interview. He said that he turned down the job offer. He is retired from his last position (25 years as a chemist) and a rather intelligent and well-educated individual (with a MS degree in chemical engineering and a MBA degree), and basically was looking for a new career. At the end of the day-long interview, he said to the VP of Operations, “I carefully studied the job description and have a good idea as to what you are expecting of this position. If you hire three people into it, you’ll be pleased with the outcome. Or if you guarantee me that I would have two assistants to assist me, I’ll take it.” The remainder of our chat focused on the unrealistic expectations the company apparently has of its employees – current and future.

An expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. And as I thought about my conversation with my friend, I found myself ginning over and over again at the ways people in our society, as well as our institutions, corporations, bureaucracies, etc. – have so many unrealistic expectation of themselves and others around them.

In my pop-psych book, Living Life Anyway, Chapter 8, “Living Life, Honestly,” I talk about the importance of realistic expectations:

On numerous occasions in my life, I have had difficulties in honestly anticipating and predicting how long it would take me to do something. I wish I had a nickel for every time I said to myself on a Saturday morning, “I’ll have the lawn done by noon”, and as I put the mower away at 3:00 p.m. thought about what my students refer to as the famous Emener Formula: “When you figure out how long it will take to do something, multiply the number by 2.75.” (p. 69)

Typically, the characters in my novels, such Marcia in Fear of Feeling Loved and Diane in If Ever Again… It’ll be for Love, struggle with their disappointments in their significant others then usually realizing that their expectations of them were unrealistic in the first place.

In my pop-psych book, Mom and Dad’s Pearls of Wisdom… You Gotta Love ‘Em, I share a pearl of wisdom my mom gave to regarding expectations. She said to me:

When you are feeling down about something,

remember to think about

what you were expecting in the first place. (p. 31).

Regarding relationships, eharmony.com recently talked about unrealistic expectations:

To date is to have standards. But expectations for your future flame must have compromising perimeters to allow for the unpredicted. Impractical expectations can cause dissention and resentment in existing relationships and ultimately curb your opportunities for new ones. With expectations set so high, are you just setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment?

There indeed are many other interesting and poignant quotes regarding expectations. Here are some of my favorites:

Dennis Wholey:

Expecting the world to treat you fairly
because you are a good person
is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you
because you are a vegetarian.

Edward de Bono:
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

Goethe:
Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.”

Leo Buscaglia:
Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.

Mark Twain:
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Patricia Neal:
A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.

Yogi Berra:
You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.

Question: Have you ever been disappointed, angry, frustrated and/or annoyed because you had unrealistic expectations of yourself or another person?

Bill

Self-Inflation Is Not Necessarily a Good Thing

As we progress through life, it is important for us to have a healthy sense of self-concept, self-esteem and self-worth. (In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall self-appraisal of his or her own worth.) I use the term “healthy” for a specific reason. On occasion, for example, I see the children of the “soccer mom generation” of the 1990s who grew up seeing bumper stickers on their families’ cars saying things like, “Terrific Kid Aboard” and “My Child is Above Average.” Not only as a practicing psychologist for over three decades but also as a father of three adult children and grandfather of three grandchildren, aka “Pop Pop,” I am well aware of the importance of a high self-concept, high self-esteem and high self-worth. Nonetheless, it is equally important that such self-considerations also be grounded in reality.

A good friend, colleague and co-author, Dr. William A. Lambos, and I recently sent two completed book manuscripts to our publisher, Nova Science Publishers. While these two self-help books can stand alone, they also comprise a companion set with foci on adult loving relationships: My Loving Relationships and Our Loving Relationship. We expect that they will be published this fall; I will let you know when they are released. Nonetheless, in Chapter 1 of the first book, My Loving Relationships, we include a section addressing these phenomena (as well as the concept of self-inflation – “seeing ourselves as being better than and/ or more important that we really may be”). I herewith shall share it with you:

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Self-Inflation

Our self-concept, self-esteem, and overall sense of self-worth are very important aspects of our lives. It is also important, nonetheless, that we temper our self-concept and sense of self-worth with some reality. When Bill Emener was talking with Julia and she was sharing some aspects of her relationship with Frank, her fiancé, she frequently was using the expressions, “When I did this, he did that. And I know he did that because I did this. And if I could only do this, then he would do that.” After hearing a number of these types of scenarios, Bill chose to use some paradoxical intention and humor in his response to her. He said, “I have the feeling that everything Frank does, in fact everything that everyone around you does, is a function of you. That makes sense. What the hell – you’re the center of the universe!” Being a very intelligent and quick-witted young woman, she instantaneously looked at him and said, “Of course, Dr. Emener, that’s the effect of your modeling!” They both enjoyed a hearty laugh.

In our attempt to understand ourselves better, our significant others and our relationships, it is important that we be careful of those times when we fall into the trap of believing that everything other people around us do is a function of us. On the contrary, it is typically the case that people around us do things totally independent of us. Our brief digression into emotion reminds us that people are motivated primarily to meet their own needs. Knowing that difference – that others do not base their realities on us – is probably the most important difference of them all. As Julia was leaving his office, she asked Bill if there was anything else he would suggest she do. Bill looked at Julia, smiled and tongue-in-cheek quipped, “Sign up for a course in astronomy.” “What?” Julia asked with a furrowed brow. After a pause, however, she smiled and through a laugh replied, “The sun really is the center isn’t it?”

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Personally, I thank my parents for helping me understand the potential harmfulness of “self-inflation.” For example, in my book, Mom and Dad’s Pearls of Wisdom: You Gotta Love ’Em, I have a chapter on “Worth” and tell the story of what my Dad once said to me (about my then self-inflation). Below I shall share that with you:

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Worth

During the summers that I was playing fast-pitch softball in the beer leagues, I was usually the starting pitcher. One Thursday I learned that my good friend Peter would start as pitcher in that night’s game. Even though I would start at third base, the news infuriated me. Pitching was my passion.

The next morning when I was talking with my dad about the game, still burned up, I said, “Okay, so we won the game. But I’m a better pitcher than Pete, and he’s better at third. It just doesn’t make any sense to me!”

“Maybe Coach wanted to save your arm for the tournament this weekend.”

I begrudgingly considered it. “But on the mound, I’m worth a hell of a lot more than Pete. The last time we played that team I pitched a two-hitter!”

Dad began to laugh.

“Okay, what’s so funny, Pop?”

With a mountain of love in his heart, he said, “Son,

If I could buy you for what you’re really worth

and sell you for what you think you’re worth,

I could retire.

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Question: Have you ever experienced “self inflation” (either on your own behalf or on behalf of another person)?

Bill